Are Sexual Fantasies Good For Us?
May 14, 2009
“Fantasizing about sexual situations can be healthy and helpful”, says Wendy Maltz, M.S.W., co-author of the book entitled Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women’s Sexual Fantasies. She wrote the book together with Suzie Boss.
A sexual health expert, Maltz describes sexual fantasies as a psychological phenomenon similar to dreaming. Some fantasies can be disturbing, while others are fun and satisfying. “Learning more about sexual fantasies can benefit relationships”, says Maltz.
Women experience a vast range of fantasies according to the research collected for the book. These fantasies range from encounters with sexy aliens to sensuous horseback riding sessions. Women use fantasy cleverly to reach orgasm, feel sexier, or relax. One middle-aged woman described her fantasies as a little something special to help her unwind, like lavender in the bath.
Another woman, identified as Georgine in “Private Thoughts,” used fantasy to get back in touch with her sexual feelings after an accident left her paralyzed from the waist down. Lying in a tanning bed, she gave her imagination free reign, recalling memories of sunlight, or blades of grass against her skin.
These gradually led to sexual responses, which led to more explicit fantasies. Since then, she has once again embraced her erotic imagination and how much she enjoys sexual, sensual energy.
“Private Thoughts” also helps individuals discover whether their sexual fantasies are good or bad for them. Maltz provides questions to evaluate the effect of fantasies:
• Does dangerous or risky behavior follow the fantasy?
• Does it ever feel uncontrolled or compulsive?
• Does the fantasy seem disturbing or repulsive?
• Is personal growth or recovery hindered as a result of the fantasy?
• Is self-esteem blocked by the fantasy?
• Do I feel distanced from my real-life partner because of the fantasy?
• Is my partner or anyone else harmed by my fantasy?
• Do sexual problems arise following the fantasy?
“Private Thoughts” devotes an entire chapter to healing unwanted and troubling fantasies, including those possibly caused by sexual abuse or unresolved psychological issues. Guidelines are available in the book to help enhance relationships through the exploration of fantasies.
The final chapter instructs individuals to create a favorite fantasy and reminds the reader that the better we understand ourselves, the more free we become to enjoy a strong and healthy sex life.
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