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Important Points To Consider Before Saying ‘I Do’
As the ‘D’ day nears, you start getting excited and nervous at the same time. You are getting ready to step into a whole new world with that someone special. A world filled with love, affection, understanding and innumerable joys.
However, don’t forget that the world you are all set to enter into would also be filled with plenty of responsibilities, responsibilities that need to be understood clearly and would need plenty of promises to be fulfilled properly. And responsibilities that could possibly cause rifts in the relationship if not discussed about before the marriage
That is why it is considered extremely important for couples to discuss about a few very essential facts before deciding to tie the knot and enter the world of holy matrimony.
Sadly, this is where most couples go wrong. For apart from talking about their mutual likes and dislikes, some couples do not discuss factors (pertaining to the marriage) that they don’t agree on. And these issues when encountered after the marriage, can lead to misunderstandings and in the worst case scenario, divorce in a very short while.
So if you are getting ready to tie the knot or are seriously contemplating about saying ‘I Do’ to that someone special, here are some important checks you need to go through and sort out before you actually commit yourself to the relationship.
Points To Consider Before Saying ‘I Do’
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One of the main areas that couples fight on after marriage is the finances. If both partners are working then it would usually lead to tiffs about joint bank accounts, individual spending, bills, debts and savings. And if one of the partners is working while the other is at home, these tiffs would usually concern personalised money that the other person cannot touch. (‘It’s my money. I work and I spend’).
Clearly discuss your individual and joint financial goals before marriage. How do you plan to settle your debts? How are you going to save together as a couple? Which areas incur more costs than others? And how do you plan to take care of them jointly?
Remember, there is no more ‘me’ in a relationship after a marriage. You need to include your partner in your financial goals and vice versa. So make it a point to be extra cautious about your financial preps and talk out the same with your partner before marriage so that you don’t fight about the same afterwards.
In laws Constraints
In countries like India, it is customary for the girl to live with her in laws after marriage. And so, they would most probably be included into the total family plan as well. Sometimes the responsibilities would increase manifold if both sets of in laws decide to live with you.
So make sure you have a serious talk about your in laws with your partner and vice versa. Things like festivals, holidays, get- togethers, money matters etc. involving both sides of the family should be discussed prior to the wedding to avoid hassles and in law meddling later on.
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Sure you may want to start a family as soon as you get married. But your spouse would want to take some time to settle down before having kids. You would probably be ok with just one kid while he/she would want to have a few running around the house. And you want to be a strict parent and bring up your kids with discipline while your partner believes in the ‘let them grow on their own’ approach.
These issues may seem minor now but may become major roadblocks in your relationship afterwards. So better have a talk about this to your partner before getting married.
Decide on when you would want to have a family, how many kids you would like to have, who would take care of the responsibility of bringing up the kids and other essential factors about parenting. This would enable you to breathe a sigh of relief later on when you reach that particular stage in your life.
Your partner believes that regular sex is the key to happiness and longevity in a relationship while you believe you don’t need to get under the covers every time to prove your love. And if you can’t come to an understanding about the issue before the wedding, chances are you won’t be able to afterwards as well.
You might be a diehard romantic while your spouse prefers to keep his/her emotions locked up inside. Before marrying him/her, talk to him/her about your feelings and expectations, and what you would expect from him/her after the marriage in terms of personal wants and needs.
Sure, it may sound embarrassing to tell your partner what you want from him/her beforehand. But trust me, doing so would make sure that more expectations are met and less hearts are broken after the marriage.