Most of the parents fear that they won’t be able to love their second child as much as they love their pampered and darling first child. If you are one of them then don’t worry, here is some advice for you by a well known psychotherapist.
When you have a beloved first child then it’s not alien for you to feel that you could not possible love your second child as much. It’s natural to feel so. It’s also no uncommon to have some guilt when you imagine about displacing your sweetheart (first child) from his exclusive position. Maybe the thought of his jealousy makes it even more difficult.
What will he feel if you are rendering all your attention to the second born? How will he cope up with this feeling? Will you be able to make him understand that he is still your sweetheart and you love both of them equally? Or will you be able to make him understand that the second born is quite small and he requires most of your attention and time? These questions rotate in your mind when you plan your second child.
All these thoughts and feelings are in one way or the other influenced by your own childhood. Perhaps you were the first born of your family and felt jealous by the birth of your sibling or maybe you were ignored when the second child was born. If you were the second born, you felt guilty that you took all the attention of your parents away from your siblings, or being the second child your parents were not able to give you all the attention and love they gave to the first born.
It is painful to be ejected and your child won’t like it either but he can understand. Show him that you care for his feelings and can deal with them too. Involve him when making decisions about the second child. Ask him to help you with the second born. While doing the above, don’t forget to give him attention for himself. Have conversation that does not involve the new born.
Reassure your child about your unlimited love. Make the child understand that love is infinite, not just by ways of words, but in deed too. Don’t give the child an opportunity to feel left out. In the meantime, make sure that you tell him regularly that you love him and keep showing him there is a secure place for every family member in the family.